| NEW JOURNAL NAME! |
[21 May 2005|07:22pm] |
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im changing my journal. my new journal name is andrearego, so add me as a friend if your friends only, so i can still read.
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| I dont think ill ever get over this |
[20 May 2005|10:59pm] |
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I didn't realize until today, when i was standing in the shower, i hate myself. And not because i don’t like the way i look, or anything superficial like that, but because i am the most fucked up person i know, and i can’t stand to be alone with myself. The things that ive done make me sick. Last Saturday morning i had an abortion. I will never be the same. It was the most awful thing ive ever gone through. I had a child living inside me, i could feel where it was, and i was really pressured by circumstances into getting rid of it, which ultimately was the right decision, but now, every single day i have pain, right where the baby was. Before i had the procedure done the woman showed me the baby. Ive never felt like i wanted to die more. I wanted to give up my life, and let that baby live. It never did anything wrong, and just because i made a mistake, my child had to die. How do you ever get over something like that? I can't. I really wish that it was me that died on that table that day. I guess in a way it was. A big piece of me was taken away. I can't stand for anyone to touch me anymore, not hug me, kiss me, nothing. When im in the shower, i just let the water run on me, i can't even touch myself. I don’t think im okay. And for the most part MY FRIENDS ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES! I really hate them, because instead of trying to be there for me, they judged my choice, and stopped talking to me. You know what Jackie and jerry YOU FUCKING GO THROUGH THAT AND YOU TELL ME WHAT IT FUCKING FEELS LIKE! I needed my friends most, to be there for me, and i had no one. I don’t want people to apologize now, cause i got through it on my own. Its over. But i just want you all to know, if im not talking to you as much, i just want you to know, its because im not okay right now, and I DONT WANT YOUR HELP! Or your fucking sympathy, i want to be alone.
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| it's been a while |
[07 May 2005|07:30pm] |
It's been a LOOOONG while since ive written anything in this stupid thing, but i kind of miss it, it was my way of venting, and right now that is exactly what i need. Well i am REALLY up shits creek right now, and there are NO paddles in site. Ive finally decided what im doing about my main problem. And that is eating away at my heart, and kind of tearing me up inside, becuase i know no matter what i do, its going to be really hard on me in the end. Jeff is trying to be there the most he can, but he has so much of his own shit going on, he can't really do anything for me, except lecture. I met the coolest guy last night at my friend christinas party, his name is sean, he's christinas cousin, and he goes to charmanade which is cool, cause we have a lot of asj/cham stuff in common. I REALLY miss all the asj girls like SO much. I can't wait to fricken graduate.
I missed you.
-andrea
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[26 Mar 2005|11:24am] |
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well, life is getting better. . im working now, which seems to be taking up alot of my time but thats okay, because i need something to take my mind off the fact that im not with Jeff anymore. . yea, on that note, me and Jeff are taking a brake from our relationship, because we both realized that with all that i have going on in my life, all the problems that im having, that it would be best for our relationship, our friendship and for me if im alone for a little while. It's going to be okay though, we are going to get back together, no doubt about it, because im goign to change my life, because he means SO much to me, and all the stupid shit that i do in my life is IN NO WAY worth loosing Jeff over. He is hands down the most amaing person that ive ever met. He is so incredibly good for me, and so good to me. I love being with him, and i even love being away from him for a little bit, it really makes me miss him, and think about him more. So yea it sucks, but its also okay. . .
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| On my own. . . |
[14 Mar 2005|08:04pm] |
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Well my mom and rick decided it would be better if i moved in with my grandparents. I like it too. Because now i have my own space. . and BEST OF ALL NOOOOO RICK! YESS! It kinda sucks, and i wish Jeffrey could have been here with me to help me and all. . but it's all good. . .Im okay, i think ill be fine, i want to be on my own completly, but i have to say, i guess this is the second best thing i can get!
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[14 Mar 2005|01:17pm] |
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Ohhhh dear, yet ANOTHER HUGE PROBLEM on the homestead! Ohh dear, whats a girl to do?? I went to Jerry's house for his birfday and drank just a litttttle too much, and then went home and decided it would be a WISE idea to fight with my parents and then hardcore fight with Rick. HATE HIM!!!! I dont know why i think these things are such good ideas at the time, but eh, whatever. I think what i REALLY need is some hardcore anger management classes, cause anger control is a BIG thing i need to work on, because in the end i only end up hurting myself, im and idiot.
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[10 Mar 2005|08:26am] |
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I hate prom, and thinking about going, gotta go buy a sexy dress, and gotta find a prom date, i KNOW who promised me they would go with me and i want more than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD to go with me, most probably wont, so now i have to find a half way entertaining date. . . boo you whore!
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[07 Mar 2005|11:25am] |
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how cute is sleeping Jeffrey??
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[07 Mar 2005|11:16am] |
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Okay well . . alot of shits going on right now, but its getting alot better, one MAJOR problem taken care of in a way i guess, if you could call that being "taken care of". POOOR JERRY! He isn't graduating, i love him, i hope he can figure out a way to take care of it. love him SO hard! ohhhh. . . okay well other than that things are good. Spent the whole weekend with Jeff. We hung out till like 3 on friday and then he slept over on Saturday, it was really nice we hung out, watched the Shield, and ate dinner, than fell asleep in eachothers arms, it's SO nice to fall asleep and see him when i wake up, as corny as that sounds, it's not about being in love, cause im not in love with him, but it just felt really safe, and cared for, which i havn't felt in SO long. I miss that feeling, . . . Im just glad that i realized that i can be okay on my own, and find comfort in myself, but also having him there for me, love that. Because i didn't think id ever be able to find anything in anyone again, after trying to get over him. ive realized that i dont need to get over him, i need to just move on. and that's what im doing, and it feels really good.
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| DONT LEAVE ME STUPID COMMENTS ABOUT YOU NOT LIKING THIS SONG. . . I DONT CARE!! I LIKE IT! |
[28 Feb 2005|08:40am] |
GOD! I havn't heard this song since last year when i was on the phone at like 5am getting ready for school and someone told me to put it on, and they sang to me over the phone. . that was soo cute. . .
So many times
I thought I'd hold it in my hands
But just like grains of sand
Love slipped through my fingers
And so many nights
I'd ask the Lord above
Please make me lucky enough
To find a love that lingers
Something happens when you look at me I forget to speak
Something happens when you kiss my mouth my knees get so weak
Could it be true this is what God has meant for me
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| UGH. . . |
[28 Feb 2005|08:28am] |
I hate fat chicks!!! they make me mad!!!
Grrr. . i really need someone to talk to about this not so little (anymore) problem that im having, and the one person that i REALLY want to talk to wont talk to me, this sucks! I fucking hate this right now. .
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| Hows about i get you ALL a spoon and you cna fuckin eat my ass? |
[23 Feb 2005|01:50pm] |
Okay, well i have to say, i am done. I am done being in this fight, it's not my fight to be in, and so im out, It's not worth it.
YEA JERRY IS MY BEST FRIEND, and you guys can say what ever you think about him, ill sit here quiet with my mouth shut, and actually listen to what you have to say, cause il respect your opinion, what ever that may be. So im OUT. I dont want to be involved, because i can already see how this is going to go, im not "giving in", but i tried to make things better, i tried to say what was on my mind, and even apologize to mike, but he had to be so utterly imature that he wouldn't even talk to me on the phone? i mean come on? dont they teach you how to act your age in P.M school? COME ON NOW! And then to go a write a little entry and so nicely title it 'to a bitch named andrea" i mean come on, let's just try and imagine that were 17 here for a minute!
I have full intention's on apologizing to Kristin, for "picking on her in gym class"- what a joke is that! that girl was talking about ME in the first place, but lets not even go there. So i plan on apologizing to her, and than to Michael if he will alow it, because i have never said more than, "what are you getting" when we got to Mc D's, because i am FULLY aware that he does not want to talk to me for the sheer and utter fact that Jerry is my best friend, which i think is pretty stupid, to hate me becuase of who im friends with, clearly Cara is a little smarter than that, and KNOWS damn well that i am not an asshole like Mike so CLEARLY seems to have labeled me. But whatever, like ive said we are no longer in kindergarden, you don't like me, than that's FINE by me, i have plenty of friends! and frankly, in like 4 months im probably never going to talk to half of you anyway. So. .
-Trev- i hope me and you are still okay, i know you and Mike are close, but i thought you and i were too, so i hope you still love me the same. . .
-Cara, i hope that when all is said and done that we are okay, because i know were not the best of friends, but i like you as a friend, and i hope that doesn't change. . .
-Michael, if you feel the need to further talk about me, so be it, but your name will not pass through my lips in a negative way again, becuase i just dont think it's right, because i dont know you, and ijust dont think it's right to judge someone you dont know, and i hope you feel the same, considering i KNOW you dont know me. . .
-to everyone else, i hope you've learned a lession vicariously through this story, DONT get involved in other people's fight's even if they are your best friend, they can handle their own!!!
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| IT"S ON BITCH! |
[20 Feb 2005|02:47pm] |
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Okaaaay, so lots of shit has been going down lately. Mike and Jerry and kinda Kara got into a fight, and i have to say it's partially my fault. Me and Jerry are in gym with this girl Kristin who we do NOT like at all, and NOT BEACUSE SHE IS FRIENDS WITH MIKE!!and i plan on telling him that, in a VERY nice way, calmy and all, but because of the fact that she and some other girl said something about me during gym, so that is why we were hitting balls in her direction, and for the simple fact that she cant play, so it was all fine and dandy, get over it you suck at gym and people hit the ball in your direction simply cause you can't play, NOT because we dont like you, well maby just a little. So than, from what ive heard there was a little confrentation. And as much as i LOVE my Greald, i am not going to be taking any sides here just yet, it was WROng of him to push mike, but on the other hand Mike shouldn't have just gone up to Jerry and said something, because he knows VERY well that him and jerry do NOT get along, so for him to go over even if he was going to just say hi, he knew DAMN well that it was going to start something. And then Jerry pushed mike away, and then Kara stepped in to defend mike, Kara- i love you, and even tho i know were on different sides of this fight, i hope that you and i will remain okay, cause i still love you like WHOA!, anywho, so she grabbed Jerry, umm. . that's not too cool either. But hey like i said still not on either side, but then here's where it all goes wrong, in mike's little Live journal he's talking about Gaby and DEnise, calling the "fugly" and "bitches" and i have to say, that's where i draw the line, becaue they didn't really have ANYTHING to do with the fight, other than saying that mike's not worth it, so that was fucking shitty of him to do, ive never spoken to mike, and im sure it's for the PURE fact that im friends with Jerry and that's okay, but like he did for Kristin, im doing for Gaby and Denise. and it was NOT OKAY for him to start saying that shit about them. NOT OKAY AT ALL! So mike, im sorry, but fuck you. It's on.
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[15 Feb 2005|12:59pm] |
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Yestreday was like the BEST valentines day i ever had! Jeff picked me up, we went to his house and he cooked me dinner, than we watched "The notebook" then made sweeeet sweeeeet lovin. He got me a little stripper bunny, a stuffed bee, a little REALLY soft stuffed puppy, a velvet box of choclate, a dozen pink long stem roses, and a really cute card. He is the cutest boyfriend ever, i am REALLY starting to fall for him. . . cause im finally letting myself. . .
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[14 Feb 2005|12:45pm] |
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Happy valentines day!!
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[08 Feb 2005|07:21am] |
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HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY JEFFREY SCOTT! I LUV YOU LOTTS!!!!
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| not really feelin the dumb shit anymore. . |
[01 Feb 2005|11:20pm] |
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so today skool and classes started again, it was pretty good actually. I don't really know too much about what's goin on, but everyone just seems to be mad depressed and upset lately, just like EVERYONE has just been down. i dont know. Well today some shit hit the fan with Jeff. He found some pictures on my computer from when me and jerry n aj played a little game o' "white-car-sex", he was qute upset, and at first i was a little mad that he was so upset, and that it bothered him so much, but then it hurt me, to see that i had disapointed him, and kind of hurt him, it hurt me. I didn't know what to say, or really what to do, so i kinda shut down and didn't say anything at all, but i just wanted to cry. He is such a good person, and for him not to think the same as me, it hurt. He wasn't REALLY mad that we were half dressed, he was mad that we were at the train station, and he thought that some guy could have come along and raped me and jen, and he was mad that i put myself in that position, he said "I just didn't think that you did those kinds of things, i don't surround myself with people like that" and that really made me think. wow, if something so small could hurt Jeffrey, i really need to stop messing around with my shit, and keep it in line, cause i really care about him. I was just being a teen-ager, just fooling around, but i didn't look at it like that, and i didn't even think of how it could hurt jeffrey. So Jeff if you should ever read this, which im almost positive you dont even know this exists, i am truly sorry. love, andrea
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| " I love it when grls iron naked!" |
[31 Jan 2005|04:42pm] |
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o ea,today kina sucks, i showed up latefor driers ed, which i THOUGHT started at fucking 4!! And DID NOT, it started at 3:30, so now i hav to make it up next semester, which sucks. Umm. . nothing else is going on lately, justhanging out with Denise and Jerry at Denises's house. OHH but i decided to bcome a fire lady! Just cause Jeff said that he didn't think that i could do it, so of CORSE im goin to have to do it! So il keep you posted on that. .
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[28 Jan 2005|03:03pm] |
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yesterdayi went to the LIBI- my school now,and i got all signed up and everything so YEA! so next monday im giong in to take the placement test and everything so i hope i do well, im sure it'll be easy tho. I just found out that ish knows that im giong to that school which is good, cause i dont want it to akward or anything, i want to just move on with my life, im sure im going to see him there tho. As soon as i walked into the administrator Brry's office i saw all these pictures of the students that go there, and he was in EVERY single picture! He looks good, i hope everything is well with him, and contrary to the other entries that i have written about him, i really hope that he is doing well with everything, school and work and his girlfriend too, cause im happy, so i hope that he is too, he deserves it, he really is a good guy, so i hope that it will be okay with him that im going to that school, cause im not following him there, i love him and all, not in love with him, but i dont think that he is worth spending 20,000 over. So me and Jeff are doing really well, he's not, cause he's really sick, but we, as a relationship are doing goodi haven't seen him in a couple of day's and i miss him terribly! Okay, well im at denises house right now watching Wimbeldon, so ill write more later! Love - andrea
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[23 Jan 2005|11:40pm] |
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Tonight was FUN! went to trevors house, drank half a bottle of malibu, NICE night, i think so!
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